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Friday, 24 August 2012
light. posted at 05:44
Keeping this joint blazing with my smoking - Pebble and Tinker, light your own matches! Just some things to pin down, very school-related... a little over a month until our last year of school, which is incredibly surreal. I can't really believe it (probably because of my delusion; I've kept on convincing myself that Year 12 isn't really that close). Academia is like the centre of my life yo.
- Yearlies coming
- NINE DAYS PEOPLE
- Prediction: an hour of leisure time during the maths exam because my pathetic mathematical abilities will die out before the final leg of the race (no hope)
- But as of next Friday my maths lessons will no longer matter I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY
- Rankings oh god no
- I have a fear of being average
- Final summary notes are bloody exhausting
- Putting on my armour for battle
- Out of ten days, six days off
- But of course that means four days of exams crammed together
- The school just wants to meet my hardcore personality
- I'm already making post-exam plans, way to get your priorities straight honey
- Book-buying (ALWAYS happens after stressful times)
- Moonrise Kingdom (!!!) with my fellow T.P (train poet), and Tinker and Pebble have joined us (... I wonder if they'll like Wes Anderson)
- Sleep
- Watch The Science of Sleep (Amelie is so magical by the way, I've been listening to Yann Tiersen's soundtrack to the film every day after school)
- And a Buffy marathon in bed duh what else should I do with my life
- I want to get up early tomorrow morning to go for a run
- Like at the crack of dawn
- Go running in the forest
- By the river
- In my pyjamas
- Because that's what normal people do
- Fridays are beautiful - we sat at the pizza spot across the station and shared zaatars and an Arabian pizza
- And I went home smelling like they threw herbs on me and shoved me in the woodfire oven
- When I told Mama about this she asked 'was this with your anti-social group'
- Stayed up past midnight reading to rolling thunder
- My name wasn't on the Eng. Extension 2 list
- That's because I'm an enigma
- Mystery can't help but follow me
- But my name was on the Top 30 Prefects list
- I came into roll call late and MeeMee told me
- It was a nice surprise
- Especially considering I am probably the most nonchalant, indifferent girl on the list - "Eh, vote for me if you want, I wouldn't reject the offer."
- I LOVE THIS -
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19349921
- Anticipating the last week of term
- I want Year 11 to end but I don't want to at the same time - like when I told Pebble after our creative writing exam that I was fine but not fine
I feel like we're on the cusp of something exciting and completely terrifying. I think, underneath all the fear and dread, I am looking forward to Year 12 but at the same time I want to cling to my Year 11 textbooks and ideas and expectations, dig my nails in and never let go (a bit like how Tinker and I hug).
Ricocheting between emotions and thoughts will definitely become more turbulent come yearlies - but hey, I'm a teenager. This is not foreign territory.
Let us consider this good practice for Modernist stream-of-consciousness writing.
Shrooms.
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
posted at 01:13
Here's a 'tbh' for you, for people in general:
I don't know if I'm an unpredictable person, but either I'm lashing out sporadically with crude spontaneity or people just assume that I'm sweet as apple pie all the time (and I doubt I appear like that naturally, what with my dazed, indifferent face).
Others have a tendency to make very swift conclusions about my personality, which is why it can be infuriating that whenever I say something outrageous or make a crude comment it's received with excessive surprise. Staggering back and all.
Maybe I'm just blind and have no idea how to peel away the layers to see what, who I actually am.
I'm developing a very Clementine-like attitude towards the word 'nice' - how boring it is to be described that all the time.
Ask Tinker or Pebble; I'm quite sure my first impression is fairly dull and I appear a placid, quiet, NICE girl. (oh god)
In the words of The Smiths: "Shyness is nice, and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you want to."
And this first impression is probably dependent on what Pebble calls "the mask" I wear, which apparently makes me difficult to read. No sarcasm or bitterness, any quality that the two other sides of the Triangle would, quite rightly, know.
But enough of the conclusions people.
"I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told."
Shrooms
Friday, 10 August 2012
posted at 02:18
I will brush all the dust off this week and retell it here, in good Friday night, haphazard fashion.
- Midnight in Paris (!!! this was so charming), Big Fish (I loved this too), Juno, The Prestige, An Education (beautiful, and MY GOD THE OXFORD DREAM)
- "I feel old. But not very wise."
- The Science of Sleep and Amelie, two French(ish) films, are waiting.
- Obviously this week has been well-spent on watching films
- Year 12 is coming coming coming to get me
- I think I have it: 4-unit English, Modern History & History Ext., Latin, Visual Arts. Insanity guaranteed next year. But as I've already been described, "tu es puella insana".
- It's a contradicting, torturous mix of dread and excitement... how do you even get that. It's like the last few weeks of summer when I was dying to get back to school, I don't really know why.
- "Don't touch the hair biatch". I really like my lone wolf moments okay.
- The sun was nearing on sunflower yellow this afternoon and everything glowed and looked deceptively warm
- World War I is exceedingly more interesting than Persia... and to think, everything in the world poised and ready to be set off with gunfire.
- Impossible Soul by Sufjan Stevens
- When everyone sighs and stretches after a work period, the atmosphere is like waking up from a deep sleep and it feels strange because then the world feels all soft and dulled
- A little message from E. during English
- Complaining about our fathers over lunch
- "IT WAS DONE OUT OF LOVE!"
- Composing the playlist for the Anti-Social. Who needs a social when you have an anti-social...
- Freaking over Tinker's discovery of the ATAR calculator
- The Basic Eight by Daniel Handler, slipping into 'spare time', whatever that is
- I have become stupidly paranoid about my Historical Investigation... which was handed in last month. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY.
- Almost chopped this last term in half, five weeks to go and I've just realised, about three until yearlies.
- Cumulus clouds and a sunset nimbostratus blooming by my window
- Going to work on the White Queen's present this weekend at Pebbles' crib (you can tell she's cool)
- Stood in the wind and rain with Tinker
- Coming home to a drunk father (of course, what else...)
- Have tried again and again to upload my July film onto the group's internet hangout, no such luck
- c'est la vie
- carpe diem
Consider those moments of being.
I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to think. Okay, obviously I'm the genius here, phone me for advice on life problems and love, I promise a non-awkward conversation because I totally know what life's all about yeah. I'll also predict your goldfish's future.
Shrooms (am I being bitter...)
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